AHOUSETOLET1AHOUSETOLETByDickens,et.al.AHOUSETOLET2OVERTHEWAYIhadbeenlivingatTunbridgeWellsandnowhereelse,goingonfortenyears,whenmymedicalman--verycleverinhisprofession,andtheprettiestplayerIeversawinmylifeofahandatLongWhist,whichwasanobleandaprincelygamebeforeShortwasheardof--saidtome,oneday,ashesatfeelingmypulseontheactualsofawhichmypoordearsisterJaneworkedbeforeherspinecameon,andlaidheronaboardforfifteenmonthsatastretch--themostuprightwomanthateverlived--saidtome,"Whatwewant,ma'am,isafillip.""Goodgracious,goodnessgracious,DoctorTowers!"saysI,quitestartledattheman,forhewassochristenedhimself:"don'ttalkasifyouwerealludingtopeople'snames;butsaywhatyoumean.""Imean,mydearma'am,thatwewantalittlechangeofairandscene.""Blesstheman!"saidI;"doeshemeanweorme!""Imeanyou,ma'am.""ThenLardforgiveyou,DoctorTowers,"Isaid;"whydon'tyougetintoahabitofexpressingyourselfinastraightforwardmanner,likealoyalsubjectofourgraciousQueenVictoria,andamemberoftheChurchofEngland?"Towerslaughed,ashegenerallydoeswhenhehasfidgettedmeintoanyofmyimpatientways--oneofmystates,asIcallthem--andthenhebegan,-"Tone,ma'am,Tone,isallyourequire!"HeappealedtoTrottle,whojustthencameinwiththecoal-scuttle,looking,inhisniceblacksuit,likeanamiablemanputtingoncoalsfrommotivesofbenevolence.Trottle(whomIalwayscallmyrighthand)hasbeeninmyservicetwo-and-thirtyyears.Heenteredmyservice,farawayfromEngland.Heisthebestofcreatures,andthemostrespectableofmen;but,opinionated."Whatyouwant,ma'am,"saysTrottle,makingupthefireinhisquietandskilfulway,"isTone.""Lardforgiveyouboth!"saysI,burstingouta-laughing;"Iseeyouareinaconspiracyagainstme,soIsupposeyoumustdowhatyoulikewithAHOUSETOLET3me,andtakemetoLondonforachange."ForsomeweeksTowershadhintedatLondon,andconsequentlyIwaspreparedforhim.Whenwehadgottothispoint,wegotonsoexpeditiously,thatTrottlewaspackedofftoLondonnextdaybutone,tofindsomesortofplaceformetolaymytroublesomeoldheadin.TrottlecamebacktomeattheWellsaftertwodays'absence,withaccountsofacharmingplacethatcouldbetakenforsixmonthscertain,withlibertytorenewonthesametermsforanothersix,andwhichreallydidaffordeveryaccommodationthatIwanted."Couldyoureallyfindnofaultatallintherooms,Trottle?"Iaskedhim."Notasingleone,ma'am.Theyareexactlysuitabletoyou.Thereisnotafaultinthem.Thereisbutonefaultoutsideofthem.""Andwhat'sthat?""TheyareoppositeaHousetoLet.""O!"Isaid,consideringofit."Butisthatsuchaverygreatobjection?""Ithinkitmydutytomentionit,ma'am.Itisadullobjecttolookat.Otherwise,IwassogreatlypleasedwiththelodgingthatIshouldhaveclosedwiththetermsatonce,asIhadyourauthoritytodo."Trottlethinkingsohighlyoftheplace,inmyinterest,Iwishednottodisappointhim.ConsequentlyIsaid:"TheemptyHousemaylet,perhaps.""O,dearno,ma'am,"saidTrottle,shakinghisheadwithdecision;"itwon'tlet.Itneverdoeslet,ma'am.""Mercyme!Whynot?""Nobodyknows,ma'am.AllIhavetomentionis,ma'am,thattheHousewon'tlet!""HowlonghasthisunfortunateHousebeentolet,inthenameofFortune?"saidI."Eversolong,"saidTrottle."Years.""Isitinruins?""It'sagooddealoutofrepair,ma'am,butit'snotinruins."Thelongandtheshortofthisbusinesswas,thatnextdayIhadapairAHOUSETOLET4ofpost-horsesputtomychariot--for,Inevertravelbyrailway:notthatIhaveanythingtosayagainstrailways,exceptthattheycameinwhenIwastoooldtotaketothem;andthattheymadeducksanddrakesofafewturnpike-bondsIhad--andsoIwentupmyself,withTrottleintherumble,tolookattheinsideoft...
